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Tuesday, June 14, 2016


Hi fellas.

I'm thinking of starting a new blog, fresh slate, all that jazz. I won't delete this one, but I'll probably make it private so that only followers can see it.

I think it's time. I'll letcha know.

K see ya.

Saturday, May 21, 2016


I don't want to be jaded, but it's been hard to overcome that feeling.

I would say it's a struggle, but in my mind, I already know what I'm doing so the struggle isn't real. I've already gotten through the hardest parts.

And I'm not angry - I'm just ready to move forward.

Where I'm headed, I'll be able to.

In other news, I'm very happy with the souls I've been spending my time with lately. Very, very happy.

I feel creative again, and heard again, and excited again. And that means a lot to me. Do you know the last time I felt creative?! It's been years, fellas. I'm happy. and I'm having fun.

K see ya.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016


I can't believe where I'm at in life

but I'm so glad I'm here

Saturday, April 23, 2016

I feel alright with it.

Dallon and I are not together. We haven't been for quite some time.

I haven't said anything here because I didn't feel like it, but I feel alright with it now. I feel ok letting internet strangers (or friends) read of my "failures," because this failure has changed me in drastic ways. How could it not?

But I am so much better for it. I want to live, again. That is a feeling I didn't think I'd have - I'd almost given up on the thought.

But I feel alright with it. I feel blessed by it. The desire to live is so much brighter than where I was and the desires I had six months ago.

Dallon is not a horrible human. He's great. We're friends, actually. I don't think I could've gone through this and ended up friends with anyone else. And that's pretty cool.

But I had to do what I needed to do, and so did he.

If this lowers your opinion of me in any way, that's okay, to each her own. But I don't care. You can say what you want, but only Dallon and I experienced what we did, and anyone else saying anything else can't be taken as fact. We know how we felt and we know why we did it and that's all that matters because we're the ones dealing with the life that comes after - the good and the bad.

I feel alright with it. I feel happy with it. I want to live. I want to love. And I feel like I am, again.

K see ya.

Thursday, April 14, 2016

It's Been a Minute.

Morgan got home from Mozambique and it's been a whirlwind ever since - the good kind of whirlwind, the type where you're swept up in happiness and actual hope instead of despair and a quick ride downhill.

We moved from Midvale back down to Provo together because an angel of a family offered us a place to live when things got sketchy at the apartment complex. This family has continued to bless us over and over, and there is literally nothing I'll ever be able to do to repay them, but I hope they know how grateful we both are.

The sketchiness at the Midvale apartment involved a gun and a fight on one occasion and someone following us on another. After buying mace and still not feeling much safer, we packed, cleaned, and turned in the keys. I drove a U-Haul for the first time and will get to again in about a month. More on that later, though.

Having Morganzo Bean home is as great as I was expecting it to be. Kid did some incredible work in Africa and has kept his head up when it comes to acclimating to America again, even though it's more difficult than I could ever imagine.

In other news, I've been meeting new people and seeing old ones.

I'm imaginative and often I'll think of scenarios some might consider dark or unpleasant, but it's real. I feel like we probably all do. Something has switched inside of me finally where when I think about dying all of a sudden (car crash, strange accident, whatever), I'm no longer simply OK with that thought. Before, I didn't feel like I had a ton to live for or like I was contributing anything. But now, I'm hopeful. If I die all of a sudden, I die, okay... but I want to live if I can. That's the difference now.

K see ya.