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Thursday, November 5, 2015

Some Thoughts on PR.

I love my internship because I learn something new about a world I know almost nothing REAL about, every single day. Healthcare PR is interesting because I'm always getting a close look at the medical field and I get the chance to talk to all of these doctors, nurses and medical technicians about WHY they do what they do.

It was a beautiful, peaceful feeling when I realized they truly do just want to help other people.

So much of my career thus far in PR or brand ambassadorships involve portraying a certain message to a public in a way that makes so-and-so brand seem such-and-such way.

In healthcare PR, I'm just trying to portray the real, pure message that these people care about you. It's not spun in any manner, it isn't contrived or extremely strategic - when it comes down to it, the core message is always the same. And it's 100% honest. That is rare.

And it feels so good. I wouldn't mind doing healthcare PR as a career, but I know agency work right out of college is valued because it shows your ability to multitask and handle a lot of work, but it's hard to want that when I feel the peace that comes from the type of work I'm doing now.

In other news, if I had the choice of any career to try for a month, I would love to try to act.

I've done small things here and there, but I always think about trying something bigger. I feel like one day I'll be so angry I never took the chance. But it's such a weird thing, how do you even start going for something like that!?

Have you ever felt peaceful about a line of work you've done? Let's chat.

Monday, October 26, 2015

While You Were Away - Feeling It All.

Hey Morgan,

It's been a while, huh?

I've filled my time in between my school/work/internship/coaching responsibilities with trying to figure out myself a bit more. and music.

I can always delve into music when I'm not too sure about what I'm doing, and I feel a little better.

It's hard to concentrate on school work when you're worried about where you're gonna be in two months job-wise. But I'm dealing with everything.

Still seeing my therapist at BYU. He's really, truly the best therapist. He just gets me. He lets me talk things out, about things I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone else about yet, and lets me know he cares, which is really cool. I'm really grateful for that guy, not in a weird way, but in a holy cow I'm so glad you chose this career path because you're helping me immensely kind of a way. What a blessing to walk into his office by chance after signing up for just any therapist.

TMI maybe - I've only been to like, two different therapists before this, and one I walked out on because he invited my dad into my session and sided with him. And the other cried over my life and said it seems so hard (at that time)
and I was like, uh, yeah this does kind of suck but.. shouldn't I be the one crying?

Anyway. Prayers on my behalf regarding Accounting 200 are much appreciated. I'm an idiot when it comes to that stuff, my brain just doesn't jive that way, so I need all the help I can get.

I'm still coaching water polo and playing, and since this is my last semester, it's a bit sad. The water polo team makes me so happy. Every week, no matter what crap is going on, I jump in the pool and it all washes away. I'm with my teammates playing the game I LOVE. I wish we had practice every day, but unfortunately we're still getting stiffed in that regard. One day.

Halloween is coming up and Dallon and I are excited to go to the Jessi and Devin's party with all my old ward friends. OK I don't know how excited he is, but I'm so ready to see all my old pals. The only downside to hanging out with mostly guys before I was married is that they don't feel comfortable hanging out with me now, which took me a while to feel OK with because I thought it was dumb. But I've got to respect their feelings and realize maybe that's weird for them right now.
But it sucks because I'm pretty friendless.
Which has been the cause of quite a bit of isolation this year. But I'm dealing with it.

On another note, I've learned it's okay to stare hurt and other feelings in the face. It's important to feel them as they are, and realize maybe you won't feel okay, but you're really dealing with it. Dealing with every part of the human experience and not shielding any of it because it hurts. I hope to become a better person because of my efforts to feel all of this. To finally start progressing again.

Anyway, Morgan, here are a few more songs to add to your playlist.

Try not to dance to this song... this has been on repeat for the last week for me.
Funny story about this song. I've been playing a game called Life is Strange (late at night and binge playing because I bought it for twenty dollars / I have no self control / it's a butterfly-effect type game / all of a sudden I've been into this kind of a thing because LOOK IN THIS ALTERNATE UNIVERSE I ACTUALLY HAVE CONTROL OVER SOMETHING / I AM DAAARK) and the game is really cool but cusses a lot so if you're not into that don't play it. But really, the game has the best soundtrack in the world and this came on and I was like, hey, I like this, before I knew it was Alt-J. GREAT STORY MOVING ON
This song is also from that game and my next playlist will probably be full of them too. I'm tellin' ya, good stuff and quality game. Weird, mind bending game.
I saw Youth Lagoon live for the second time. He was very different this time. This album was much better than Wondrous Bughouse to me, as he drew a lot from one of his good friends drowning during his last tour. He didn't write any songs about it, but he drew from his feelings and you can feel it. This was the first song they played and I freaked out because it's one of my favorites. I forgot to send you a clip but I'll remember this week. It's about five seconds long and he does a lot of weird arm movements so I think you'll laugh.

I can't wait to laugh with you again. 

I miss you, bud.


Saturday, October 3, 2015

Time Warp

There's this thing Facebook does now where it picks out pictures you posted years ago on the current date. For instance, today you'd see pictures or status updates you posted on October 3 2010, 2012, and maybe even 2014. If you posted on that date, you'd get to see it again.

It's made #throwbackthursdays much easier (joking). But really, it does give you a quick glimpse into where you were a few years back. And it continues to blow my mind.

My sister posted a picture from the weekend Colt visited Utah to propose to her four years ago. A picture I took. And I remember exactly where I was, why I was there, what I watched, what I was feeling - the memories came flooding back surrounding every detail of that weekend.

I was a completely different person four years ago! And I slowly felt the change happening, but looking back now it's almost unnerving how different I've become, and what made me this way.

And it's weird how much I hope I'll be completely different again in another four years. Or, you know, hopefully sooner.

I was talking to a friend on the phone this week, and I think change has so much to do with transparency. We should definitely strive to get to a point in our lives where we're completely open and honest with ourselves and others, but we all reach that point at different times. It's not really an age thing - it's different, specific situations that lead you to a point of pure vulnerability. One situation leads you to the next - there's a divine aspect to it all - until you're clear. You've had enough and see no reason to lead yourself or others astray when you can be whole. You're ready to be transparent. And it becomes easier to be that way every day instead of a constant push and pull.

I don't think I'm there yet. I think I've got a while to go. But I think I'm seeing more clearly the certain things I was blind to before. I'm chipping away at the covers so I can see everything I was meant to see.

I've also thought about how many different kinds of love are out there, and how everyone seems to need a different kind. I know there are some couples that express and feel love in the same ways, which makes me think, "lucky you" at first. And that's very impressive to me. But I've thought more about it and I think catering to each other's specific type of love is the one of the greatest exercises of love you could perform - because it requires that you try.

It's not natural for you, but you want to make sure they feel loved in a way they can clearly tell they are loved. I think people who can pull that off are the most impressive.

K see ya.

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Yo Thyroid, Pick Up the Pace

It's kind of funny how my last semester at BYU has been my busiest.
Full-fledged, borderline adult business goin' on around here.

The last six months, I've become completely fatigued daily. Like, need a nap or zombie-mode by 7 p.m. kind of a thing.

When I was younger, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's thyroiditis. Google dat if you want.
My levels weren't too skewed yet and I just had a goiter in my neck at the time, but they told me to go see a specialist when I was older and started to feel the symptoms.

A couple more pounds of weight gain than I care to admit and six months of overly exhausting days (even if I didn't do much) and my body let me know it was time to see the specialist.

My mom urged me to go too, because for some reason I never think I should go to the doctor.
But I went without much fight this time, because I knew something was up.

What do you know, after a thyroid ultrasound and blood work the doctor let me know my thyroid levels were pretty off. That explains the weight gain even though I'm exercising and eating the same exact amount I have been for the last four years. That explains the extreme fatigue. That explains the strange other symptoms I've been having.

He put me on a thyroid medication and it helped a little at first, but now I'm back to being completely exhausted all the time.

I had to quit my job at the newsroom because my internship, school and my side writing job were just taking it out of me. I couldn't do any more.

It has been really hard for me to study after I get home from my long days. But seeing this light at the end of the tunnel school-wise is really, really motivating. I don't think I've felt this motivated to stick it out in a long time.

December 18th and I'm done. I can do it.

But I'm lucky to have an internship I love. I LOVE IT. I love it, I love it, I love it. So I will be a bit sad when that is over.

Accounting on the other hand... nope.

Sunday, September 20, 2015


The ones I'm calling aren't picking up.

It's hard to call on God over and over again when no one else will pick up, you know?
I'm not saying talking to God is not good enough. But it's rough.
I just want the ones I'm calling down here to know what I'm feeling. To talk back to me. To know what's going on.

The ones I'm calling